she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the day after is always just damage control
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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