Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
