I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
