Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
