my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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