when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
