When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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