i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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