i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
