Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
