You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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