the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
