You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize