he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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