I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
