Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
