my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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