Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need a beard to bite.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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