I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
