bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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