please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
