sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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