fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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