On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
