My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
only if we run a train.
done.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
