Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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