Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
