The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
