Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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