I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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