Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
