By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
