I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
