I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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