There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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