Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
