Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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