I accidentally had phone sex last night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
