No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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