We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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