I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
