thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize