I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize