All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have tasted many bathrooms
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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