Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
