Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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