I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
