It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
