I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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