Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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