I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This baby is an asshole
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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