Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
