i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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