let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
bring money and cleavage
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
