I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
