just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
