She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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