Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
