i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize