Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The Olympian is in my bed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
