Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
