Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
