Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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