it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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