Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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