I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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