well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
