I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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