Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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