would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
