May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
